maybe i just like to move in my own way...

What am I thankful for?

I'm thankful for home. I'm thankful for my amazing family and wonderful best friends. I'm thankful for grace. I'm thankful that at the end of a hard day I can come home and go for a long run in God's great creation and receive emails from amazing women who truly care about me. I'm thankful for God's healing through these rough patches I'm experiencing in life. It's funny...for a little while I'll feel so "on track," and then I'll go through times where I feel distant. Distant from the plans God has for me, distant because I'm wrapped up in things in the world, distant because I'm not putting God first in my love life, and distant because I'm still trying to understand why people have to go through so much suffering before God calls them home. I miss my Grandpa more and more every day. It's getting difficult. What's even more difficult to realize sometimes is that God can take that hurt on for me. I just need to give it to Him.

But why is it so hard for me to give everything in my life up to better hands? I've been good about it this year, but there are some things I am still struggling to let go of. My sin, my life, my time, and my heart. My heart isn't anyone else's in this world. Heck, I don't even know my heart as much as God does. That's a crazy thing.

I've learned a lot about intimidation and frustration lately. and you know what? I'm thankful for that too.



Funny thing is , I'm really glad I can be content in saying that I don't have it all together.

everything looks perfect from far away

i like summer.


and i like Batman.



and i like you.

the cry of my heart.

There comes a point in life when you just have to give it all away. Give everything you have to the hand of something and someone greater than anything in this world. Realize that nothing in this world...absolutely nothing will be there to catch you when everything falls apart.





Therefore he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
-2 Corinthians 12:9

so thanks, thanks for that summer...

i love summer.

this one is definitely full of the unexpected. and i love it.
i love being with my bests again. those girls just complete me.

God has given me so much consistency with things, and I like it.

:)

because You got to me in a way words can't describe

I should probably be asleep. It's one thirty in the morning. goodness.

I can't believe it's already the last week of my first year of college. When I think back on everything about this year, it is honestly one big blur currently. It's hard to understand how time can go so quickly sometimes.

I think that's my problem. Time is flying too quickly for me because I am always looking ahead into the future. Always looking for what is to come instead of what is happening right now. Staying true to the "live in the moment" or "take each day one at a time" statements is something I have not mastered yet. This is probably why I find myself trying to understand why I can't fully comprehend all that God is working for in my life. I am always looking for what He WILL do. Not what He IS doing at this very moment. God's got that bigger plan for me. He has it all under control and it will play out as He sees fit. I have to trust fully in Him and in nothing or no one else. And to think, I thought I was a pretty patient person!

Trust is key in this situation. Today at Northstar a woman named Mary was praying for/with myself, Sonja, and Kayla. The Spirit was so amazing in that moment. Throughout the whole service I struggled to fully grasp the thought that surrendering our full identities to Jesus and taking full refuge and trust in Him is what leads us closer to ourselves and to His will for us. I didn't even have to say anything and Mary knew exactly what I was feeling. What each of us women were feeling. She explained to us during prayer that as young women, it is hard for us to put all of our trust and being into something that isn't earthly. It is easy for us to be vulnerable and afraid of getting let down. But Jesus is the one true thing that is always there. He won't ever break the promise--we can be vulnerable. God continues to find and has found his identity in us even before he created us. What this amazing woman said may already be obvious to you, but I have found it to be pretty reassuring. :)

and THAT is why my Sunday (well, early Monday morning, too, in this case) has been quite amazing.




Oh, how He loves us.

I am truly blessed.


God is good.

Love.

One good love
You bless all my memories
You soften the fall of my tears
And in my arms you’re more than enough
You’re one good love

One good love
And born again means more than pass the plate and bow your head
Yes, you bury what needs burying, you raise it from the dead
The very best, you heal the brokenness, give grace to everyone
With one good love



it's funny when you realize a lot more about a song you've heard a million times.

and it's slowly getting warmer...

I think Spring Break went by too quickly. This weekend in Columbus was awesome, and Gatlinburg was more than amazing. I couldn’t have asked for better people to go with. Even with the accident and the detours here and there on the way down, everyone stayed so strong while we worked through it together. I am so thankful for them :). In fact, I’m just thankful for UC and the Navs community in general. When I first came here I was so worried that it wouldn’t be the right fit or that I wouldn’t find people I could become close to. I came with the worry that I’d end up going home every weekend and spend every night of the week doing homework and sitting around with people I have already known in High School. Thankfully I was very wrong :). I have met so many amazing friends and become close to some people that are now very very important to me :). I think smiley faces are my thing this morning.

This quarter should be interesting. I am going into this new environment not knowing what to expect. I had become so used to the same people in my classes and the classes I was taking for my “ex” major these past two quarters. I am now totally out of my comfort zone. In fact, I’m sitting here in the halls of CCM waiting for class and feeling pretty small. Maybe it’s because I am unsure as to where my classes exactly are, or maybe it’s because I just turned in my acceptance decision papers and am officially doing this, or maybe it’s because I feel like everyone that passes me looks at me and says to themselves “why is she here?” And then I realize oh my gosh Cait, these people don’t even know you! Haha, I should really stop getting myself worked up.

I have had such a struggle this year listening to God and just trusting. I have struggled so much with making plans for myself instead of just waiting for His guidance. Lately though, I feel like I am improving, and I am so thankful. I have realized that especially when dealing with the sickness of those closest to me, it’s all a part of God’s plan that’s a lot bigger than me.

I’m not bad at meeting new people, so why am I so nervous?

Love.

itching for spring...

I've come to the conclusion that when an opportunity just falls into my lap, i should probably take a chance on it. There have been about five instances in the past few weeks that just appear for me. God works in crazy, crazy ways. :)

I think I may finally know where I fit.

Spring break is going to be so awesome. I am looking forward to spending time in Gatlinburg with some of my favorite people in the whole world:)

Here's to you free souls, fire fly chasers
Tree climbers, porch swingers, air guitar players
Heres to you fearless dancers, shaking walls in your bedrooms
There's alot of wonder left inside of me and you
Thank God even crazy dreams come true 

"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him."

yep, it's that easy.

last weekend was nothing short of amazing. God is so great. I adore my small group girls.

This week has been kind of hectic, but every week has been like that it seems this quarter. Spring Break is going to be nice...especially since i'm kind of going to see Carrie Underwood in concert with my little sister:) yessssssssssss

Kayla and I were up until 3 am. Talking about life, things that do matter, things that don't matter...it's just so nice to have someone like me on so many levels.

I feel like God puts certain people in our lives to just balance us out...someone who just GETS us.

and I am so grateful for that:)


i want to go to the beach.

i'm not good at stress.

i can't wait for a break.


key laborers this weekend! :)

feeling discouraged...

i am having one of those days/weeks where nothing ever feels right. Something's always going wrong. Why can I not just be content? Content with myself, and content that there are certain people who no matter how much they say they care, can be the ones who can hurt you to no end? I think the word 'relentless' is a good word for today.

sometimes lately i don't even feel that i'm content with God. I'm always searching for more, not content with the choices he has guided me to make. I'm always doubting Him. Doubting myself. Oh, goodness.

Last night I came upon the verse in John 4 where Jesus says to a royal official that "unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders, you will never believe." Sometimes I believe this to be true with me. I just need to work on knowing that I can be content with not physically or quickly SEEING that God really works in my life.
okay, now that probably only makes sense to me. ohhh well.


I am very lazy today. Probably because the power went out because of the crazy wind last night and I went to bed late. That's already the second time that's happened this year. goodness.

My sister Andrea is coming to stay with me Friday night. I'm excited:)


let's hope next time i'm a little more content and patient.

i have come to the conclusion that i am not very good at skiing.

however, i loved spending the weekend in new york with some pretty wonderful people:)








i'm frustrated with myself. why do i do some of the things i do? why am i the way i am sometimes? I seriously need to start trusting God with this.

trusting You...

and I know You could leave writing
on the wall that’s just for me
or send wisdom while I’m sleeping
like in Solomon’s sweet dreams
but I don’t need the strength of Sampson
or a chariot in the end
just wanna know that You still know how many
hairs are on my head
oh great God
be small enough to hear me now

God is so big.